It’s ok to be a beginner:

Perfectionism and starting out

I understand that when you start doing anything new, it is difficult.

Starting is difficult.

Forcing yourself to learn is difficult.

Failure is difficult.

This is especially true if you grew up in a home where you were ridiculed straight out of the gate. Those emotional scars are hard to overcome. When you started something and you were vulnerable and nervous, instead of getting support, you were made to feel incompetent. If you did a task and did not succeed immediately, their disappointment became yours.

That is not an environment where growth can thrive.

Many people who come from that background grow into perfectionists. Not because they want excellence, but because they learned early that mistakes were unsafe. Over time, that turns into an inability to see value in what you have made because all you can see are the flaws.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.

What does this have to do with quilting?

If you are like many of the quilters I encounter, you probably gift those quilts to friends and family. And in the process of that gift exchange, there was probably a moment where one of them told you how beautiful that quilt was. And you, in your infinite wisdom, felt the need to correct them and proceed to point out all that was wrong with it. The missed points, incorrect directional fabric placement, stitching inconsistency, and just how awful it was to put together.

You diminished your work even though they told you that they loved it.

I am going to tell you right now:

Stop it

Stop telling people everything that’s wrong with what you have created. they have already told you they see it’s worth, so BELIEVE THEM. Stop telling yourself that imperfection means worthlessness.

If you are striving to be perfect. I am here to tell you, “Perfect”, doesn’t exist. And if you think it’s easy for me to say that, I am going to let you in on my story a little:

I also started from scratch.

I knew nothing about sewing when I started. No one in my family sews, there wasn’t a class in school for home ec. anymore. I just had the library, so I read, tried, was impatient, rushed the process, cut corners, was frustrated with my results.

Need more proof, take a look down memory lane with me. Here are some photos of my very first quilt top.

A Simple Irish Chain where the squares are not even the same size throughout.

The borders are all wonky, and taper down the sides, making one edge three inches and the other an inch and a half.

My First Attempt at free-motion quilting was a hot mess and I was so angry with it. . .

That I covered it up with a remnant piece of fabric BY HAND! And then proceeded to stitch over it with uneven grid lines, like a pro.

I almost gave up entirely on quilting. I knew nothing about what I was doing, and yet I demanded perfection from myself. I was so trapped by my own self-imposed standards, that I failed to see anything positive from anything that I made.

That had to stop.

(oh, and by the way, this is a well loved quilt top that I have showed to MANY people who all told me they loved it. It just shows you that we are all our own worst critic. )

In part 2, I am going to show you exactly how I began shifting from chasing perfection and into building real skill, so maybe you can too.